Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Useful aeronautical definitions...


AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane.  (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.)  

BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.  

CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.  

CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach fix at an airport.  

DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are.  

DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point.  

ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.  

FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.  

FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying.  

GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.  

HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.  

HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.  

LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer.  

MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry.  

NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing.  

PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.  

RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party.  

ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say.  

SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.  

SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.  

SPOILERS - FAA Inspectors.  

STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.  

STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.  

TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots.  

USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.  

WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks.  

YANKEE - Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again" .