The Gospel According to St. Fresnel of the Miraculous Lens
Chapter One, Verses One through Six
1. In the Beginning, God created the Aircraft Carrier, and the seas
upon which it floateth; and yet there was complete Darkness upon the
face of the earth. And, as we traveled, there came to us, as a voice
out of the darkness, an Angel of the Lord, saying, "On centerline, on
glideslope, three quarters of a mile, call the ball." I reflected upon
these words, for I was still yet engulfed in complete darkness. With
deep feeling and doubt overwhelming my countenance, I glanceth towards
my companion at my right hand and saith, "What seeth thou, trusted
friend?", and there was a great silence. Gazing in a searching manner
and seeing naught, my companion saith, "Nothing but darkness above and darkness below."
2. And God spoke to me, and He said, "Low ball....power". As the Lord
saith, so shall it be, and I added power; and lo, the ball riseth up
onto the bottom of the mirror. But, alas, it had a tainted flashing red
glow, and surely indicateth Satan's own malignant influence. And God
spoke to me again in a loud insistent voice saying, "Power...Power,
Power!!!!" And lo, the ball riseth up and off the top of the lens, and
once more the great evil darkness was upon me.
3. And the voice of the Angel came to me again, saying, "When twelve
hundred feet, turn downwind." Whereupon I wandered in the darkness,
abandoned and without direction, for surely the great ship's RADAR was
beset by demons. There was great confusion in my heart and then there
was a great silence in which there was no comfort to be found. Even my
TACAN needle spinneth......and lo, there was chaos; my trusted
right-seat companion weepeth quietly unto himself and from close behind
I heard weeping and gnashing of teeth of our flock. There was a great
turmoil within my EA-6B cockpit for a multitude of serpents had crept
4. And though we wandered, as if guided by Providence, I found myself
within that Holy Corridor and at twelve hundred feet seeking refuge for
myself and my bretheren; and the voice of the Angel of the Lord came to
me again, asking of me my needles, and I raised my voice saying, "Up
and centered", and the voice answered, "Roger, fly your needles...." I
reflected upon these words, and I raised my voice in prayer, for though
my gyro indicateth it not so, surely my wings hath been turned upside
down. Verily, as Beelzebub surely wrestled with me, a voice, that of my
trusted companion, saith to me calmly, "Friend.....fly thy needles, and
find comfort in the Lord." And lo, with deep trembling in my heart, I
did, and He guideth me to the glideslope and centerline, though I know
not how it came to be.
5. And out of the great darkness, God spoke to me again and I replied:
"Roger ball" for now I had faith, mine eyes have been opened and seeth
the magnificent orange ball within a frame of green. And though the
ball began to rise as I cometh to the gates of heaven, my left hand was
full of the Spirit, and it squeeketh off power and as in a great
miracle we hath forthwith stoppeth in heaven, for we hath caught the
four wire which God, in his infinite wisdom, hath placed thirty feet
further down the deck than the three wire.
6. And thus bathed in a golden radiance from above, our pilgrimage was
at an end, and my spirit was truly reborn and ready to again take
flight among the angels of heaven. And as I basked in the rapture, God
spoketh to me one final time, and He saith in a loud voice, "Lights out
on deck". Thus did I taxi forward.
7. Though I frequently walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I have no fear, for I am a 26 year old Naval Aviator and I am
absolutely f...ing BULLETPROOF!!!
Amen, Tom H.
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